Quoting

"One of your closest friends is suddenly turning into a different person -- their typical level-headed behavior is gone, and suddenly they're off being wild and wacky. Why they are acting this way is a total mystery to you, but it might have to stay that way. Ask all the questions you want, but if they don't want to answer to you, they don't have to. Respect their boundaries and give them some space for now. They will come to you if they need your help."

"A frustrating friendship is causing you to wonder what you ever saw in this person. People change over time, and unfortunately they don't always grow in the same direction. Accept who this person is becoming, but don't keep them in your life if they make you feel bad or bring out your insecurities. Friendships are elective relationships, they do not always have to be lifelong commitments. There is nothing wrong with moving on so you both can be happy."

Kan de!

"You can't be afraid of the feelings that are growing inside of you about someone"

Its a gist i saw on my Friendster homepage.. The thing is it is NOT GROWING, its COMING BACK! aiyo... Anyways, dreams usually don't come true, dui bu dui? Hahaha.. why I asked? I have something that's bothering me for a while now.. Based on my past experiences, When I dream of something, it (usually) will come true but will take a long period of time (sometimes in a matter of short time).. I told my friend about it and said it must be something that will happen in the future.. put less hopes, hao ma? *nods* or even make it zero percent! ha! who am I fooling here? *looks left and right*.. hihi..

However, things cannot be forced.. dui, dui, dui.. Its called a "one-sided love".. right Sofi? hahaha! :D

Full of Wisdom. Values Formation.

I'm loving our subject Values Formation..not that I hate it lo.. Whenever we come to the part of applying the lesson in real life, i feel so absorbed and dreamy.. that's how my imagination works and then off to dreamland!hahaha..just kidding wo.. I could feel that our instructor have so much wisdom in her life and I couldn't imagine how she sees simple things that I usually neglect from far away.. We're almost done with the subject, in fact, this afternoon is our final exam (i just remembered now and I haven't reviewed yet!waaah..) .. im gonna miss it.. aiyo.. Let me elaborate some parts:

On our second or I think third day of the class, she had us made an essay about ourselves.. i even lost control of my writings that I almost poured my anger out..hahaha.. On the essay she told us to describe ourselves physically first..how we see ourselves on the outside.. then uhm...hahaha i forgotten nah..haha! anyways, its about our whole being, our whole personality.. how we talk, how we act, think, react, emote, view, and all.. basically its about who we are as a person and as an individual.. Looking back, I still remember some things I wrote on that paper.. I wont say but just to give you an idea, its about the emotion part.. I talked about trust and loyalty...there you have it!haha.. I found out most of the things I wrote were the ones that are hidden..(huwaaaaat???) those that are subconsciously below the surface.. the reason of concealing it? well *talking like Simon of Alvin and the Chipmunks* I believe a human sort of undergoes a denial stage of their journey in life.. where you avoid talking about certain things, avoid certain beings, just nod and talk avoiding to face the truth in front of you.. just like that.. And the one i still remember that I, myself, even surprised me with what came out of my mind, was about love..hahaha.. (wht?!) I wrote like this (or something like this) --- "Eventhough you say its over, for me, love is still there.. you might find another love but the previous love will never go away.. its just hidden beneath the new love.." --- And it is true, no matter how long or how much you wanted to forget or even if you manage to forget, it is still there..but just barely coz its now below the surface.. try to dig it and find out for yourself.. As for me, just thinking of digging it up frightens me.. I also wrote things that pisses me off.. especially the feeling of betrayal..where you trusted someone so much and in the end you'll find out that you were just something like a disposable utensil.. when in need you're there then will throw you away without certain reasons.. the feeling of hatred and (i wanted to wrote about ji du but didn't) disappointment.. well its all that..blah, blah, blah..

The other one is the one where we made a trace of our hand on a piece of paper.. Each part have different instructions.. Here's the explanation:

"When we are introduced to someone, we normally extend our hands in a gesture of warmth

and welcome. It is worth considering that we extend our hands. It is not just skin and bones

we are giving. We are really extending our self. Who then is this hand that we are extending?

What "little stories" does this hand have to tell? What mysteries does it still have to unfold?"

I won't elaborate more it will take hours..haha! Basically its about how we consider things in life like what we wanted to achieve, our faith, what we think and how we think, and such.. We even shared in in front of the class and one of my classmate made a deep impression on me.. He talked about like he never did before..hahaha.. something different la.. i know how he feels coz i am a hypocritical person too.. the more we are pushed the more we wanted to back out.. In other words, the more pressure they give me, the more I wanted not to do whatever it is..wahahaha.. aiyo.. (-___-)'''

I could say that during such short period of time, I appreciated learning the subject so much that I won't be ashamed to apply what I learned in reality.. It helped me know myself a little better and understand things more.. Made me realize and see things more clearer.. Now I am able to judge things and give my own ideas on a higher level.. (I feel like taking up psychology instead!haha..)

So much blabbering wo.. but thinking of it, it awakened my subconscious part where I used to hide my inner feelings.. It's hard not to become more aware now and ignore the things around.. I rather keep to myself than admit.. To become a better person, things should be clearer, ne? hmmm.. wo bu zhi dao la..

zao!v(^0^)v

Kai Xin. Bu Xing la

Aiyaya..i felt so much xinfu yesterday coz finally i got admitted to the team (TKA Villa).. well sort of..haha! anyways..Mei jie was thinking of another job for me aside from being a timer.. its like a dream come true! Li Xiang's world..hahaha.. Its a pleasure to be part of them and doing something valuable.. Some experience I could bring for my whole life.. yay!

So much blabbering..aiyo.. Ka xin! Kai xin! I love my life inside the cyber world (if you know what I mean)..

Of course there's the so-called value of Bipolarity (from our Values Formation subject)..  the "counter-attack".. Its like whenever something good happened there surely be the coming of negative vibes.. We got "soaped" by our project manager this afternoon la.. aiyo.. whatever it is its a lesson learned.. should punch myself for being reckless wo..hahaha..

wan an! (oooh i missed the recently graduated comscis..)

Dizzy. Dizzy. O_____o''''''

Oh no..its all coming back.. no, no, no, no... wei shen me? i tried hard to conceal it.. to bury it.. and to forget it.. but why, oh, why it easily crept out once again? coz I shouldn't feel this way anymore.. not now.. but i know i am fooling myself to say i have moved on.. doesn't it? aiyo...  the ji du feeling whenever...whenever... i cannot say.. but its just like that.. im in control.. i always tell myself that but my heart wont accept wo.. you know i have this feeling that its closing in on me.. i have this sudden urge to notice it but of course--with pride and dignity, its not that easy.. i dont know but i am all clueless.. want something? need something? initially yes.. kai xin, kai xin.. but not inside.. of course i want to feel the xinfu that everybody deserves that's why I forced myself to be kai xin.. i did yet something's missing.. naaaahh.. afterall, i still find myself longing for it.. im really good at pretending..haha.. but wo zhong xin wont lie.. i suddenly remember what our professor told us.. if ni di ai you ren, no matter what, ai will never be gone.. wo fei chang, fei chang dizzy now..not literally (quite literally..hehe..) wo kun huo la.. (-__-)'''' lao tian..

Talk Less. Gain More.

What a lame title to start off la..haha.. I've got a lot to share but i'm kinda busy nowadays.. aiyo..  (-_-)""

I haven't got a chance to tell you this (but im telling now).. Me and some of my classmates are currently taking up two advance subjects this summer..namely: Rizal and Values Formation.. aside from our IT Practicum.. I've been assigned as one of the three leaders of Rizal but i feel like im alone in this part (not the responsibility part but the leader part) not to mention some casting problems and time management..what a hassle..plus there is still our project for the practicum which is to design a website.. along with Sofi, Mark and Ernel.. We have a class everyday and practice for Rizal every Saturdays..

I made the script for 4 days i think and slept almost 3AM for two days and then finally I was able to finish it.. its a relief wo.. and the website we made and been working for almost a week finally got an appreciation (though its still in progress mode).. we still have our midterm examination this coming week for the two subjects we're taking up.. so hopefully we could come through it and finally relax a little.. Im also looking forward for the showing of Angels and Demons wo! I'm a fanatic of Dan Brown.. in fact, I have read all of his 4 novels and I have 3 of them at home.. Its gonna be shown here in the Philippines on May 15.. I think i'll be watching on the 16th la.. (^0^)/

Many things to anticipate these coming days wo! Missing everyone on YCYC and AF.. mei meng.. (O_____o)

Yuzu again

Woah I haven't posted..chang jiu.. i'll just drop this MV of Yuzu entitled Umaku Ienai.. it is a song from Gokusen 3 (though I haven't watched it yet).. It's my current favorite song from Yuzu.. Below it is the lyrics and translation..love it! (^___^)

Yuzu - Umaku Ienai (I Can’t Express How I Feel/ I'm Not Good At Saying It)

Lyrics: Kitagawa Yujin
Music: Kitagawa Yujin

[Romaji]

Hajimete deatta hi no koto wo
Kimi wa ima mo oboete imasu ka?
Togire togire gikochinai
Bokura no kaiwa wo
Owatta koi no kizuato wo
Nuguenai mama de itakara
Okubyou wo kakusu youni
Odoketeita ne

Mada sukoshi hadazamui
Haru no namikimichi kimi to aruku
Kizukeba koushite iru koto ga
Atarimae ni natte itanda

Umaku ienai kedo afurete kuru
Kono koe mo kono namida mo kimi wo omoeba
Toki wa nagare mada tsutaerarezu ni
Warawanaide kiite hoshii
「Aishiteru...」

Fuzakeatte bakari no futari dakara
majime na koto yuu no wa terekusakute
Taisetsu na kotoba hodo atomawashi ni shite

Arifureta machinami
Itsumo no Machiawase basho
Furikaereba soko ni wa kimi no
Kawaranai egao ga attanda

Umaku Ienai
Boku wo yurushite kureru kai?
Zurukute mo majime ni mo kimi wo utau
Sugite yuku hibi hitotsu hitotsu wo
Wasurezu ni irareru youni
Negai wo komete...

Kono sekai ni owari ga kitemo
Kimi no soba ni wa boku ga
Boku no soba ni wa kimi ga kitto iru kara

Umaku ienai kedo afurete kuru
Kono koe mo kono namida mo kimi wo omoeba
Toki wa nagare mada tsutaerarezu ni
Warawanaide kiite hoshii
Boku wa kimi wo aishiteru

[English translation]

Do you still remember the day when we first met?
Our conversations were on and off, awkward
We couldn’t wipe off the scars of our lost loves
So we hid our cowardice with humor

It’s still a little chilly, I walk with you down a spring road lined with trees
Before I knew it, doing this felt so natural

I can’t express how I feel, but my voice, my tears
They pour out whenever I think of you
Time goes by and I still haven’t told you
Don’t laugh, I want you to hear what I have to say
“I love you”

We always joked around so saying something serious felt embarrassing
And we’d put off talking about more important things…

The streets are the same as usual, there’s the place we would always meet
When I think back, your smiling face was always sure to be there

I can’t express how I feel, will you forgive me?
Whether it’s manipulative or serious, I’ll sing of you
As the days go by, I’ll make a wish
That I never forget a single one…

Even if this world comes to an end…
I’ll be at your side, and I know you’ll be at my side

I can’t express how I feel, but my voice, my tears
They pour out whenever I think of you
Time goes by and I still haven’t told you
Don’t laugh, I want you to hear what I have to say
I’m in love with you